It’s nearing five in the morning and I am fighting to stay awake as I work toward transitioning to working the overnight shift for my new job.
Earlier tonight I was talking to my fiancé about a topic I get fired up about,–surprise!–adoption. This thought has been plaguing me for a long time, but the new microscope scrutinizing Planned Parenthood has brought it to the surface of my thoughts in particular this past week. (I am not going into the exact topic surrounding the current controversy with Planned Parenthood, just explaining the recent source of my thoughts.)
I am a feminist who is pro-life. I am for adoption over abortion, in all cases. I am pro adoption. I am all about adoption. I, now along with my future husband, plan to adopt our children and not have biological children. When God first put adoption on my heart I went through a strong phase of having a hard time with all my friends wanting to procreate when there are so many children who need to be adopted and fostered. Every now and then, that “phase” kicks back up.
Right now, and not for the first time, my issue lies with Christians who are strongly outspoken on pro-life but do nothing to help the need. Pro-life has consequences, both positive and negative. The reality, the fact, the TRUTH, is that not every pregnant woman can or should be a mother to that child. The truth is that situations and circumstance do matter. Not every young or slightly older woman is able, for whatever reasons, to rise to the occasion of motherhood. Nor should they have to.
The truth is that sometimes encouraging/forcing motherhood on someone who is not prepared, willing, or in bad life circumstances often leads to negative cycles. Cycles of poverty, neglect, abuse, resentment.
Not every woman who finds out she is pregnant should keep the baby. But it is my opinion and belief that adoption is the better option than aborting that new precious life.
And this is where I get real fired up.
We, myself included, have to step up. We have to step up and be the loving people who adopt and care for these children who are not being aborted.
When I talk to people about how I am only adopting my children I receive one of two reactions every single time. One, shock that I wouldn’t want to experience the miracle of childbirth. Because motherhood is such a precious gift. Motherhood is amazing, I have nothing but respect for motherhood and I can. not. wait. to be a mom. I will be a mom, even if my children don’t come out of me. Or the second, I get praised for wanting to adopt. What a great thing to do, adoption.
Call me hard to please, and I have my moments where I am, but both of these responses frustrate me. As stated, maybe I’m having my children in a different way, but they will still be my children, I will be their mom. I do not feel like I am missing out on anything. Please do not say to me, “Have at least one of your own.” I am adopting my children, that is my decision. Please do not try to convince me that I am losing in some way. Because I am not.
Sure, it’s great I am adopting. But this response upsets me because I do not want adoption to be a rarity.
When I saw the movie Taken I was bothered. Bothered because it used the largest form of slavery (currently happening slavery) as a plot line for an action movie. Instead of shining a light of the depth of the atrocity of human trafficking it tried to make us all feel great about what a father would do to rescue his daughter. But, dads aren’t Liam Neeson with a particular set of skills. A fictional character in an action movie is not ending human trafficking.
When people praise me for planning to adopt my children there is a part of me that cringes. It feels to me like an acknowledgement that I am alone in this. I can’t end the enormous need of adoption and foster care by myself.
No, I do not support abortions. The idea of babies being aborted breaks my heart. But our pro-life preaching has consequences. We are cornering women who are not ready to be a mom. We are adding to the number of children being orphaned or detained into the foster care system, and we are doing nothing to help that number go down. Instead children in the foster care system become statistics and stigmatized to a level that makes us fear them and we do nothing to offer them a better life.
The truth is, I am angry. Really angry. And I wish you would be too. I wish I could make my thoughts and opinions contagious.
This is an issue, an issue we can actually do something about.
So, for the love of God, let’s do something about it.