I’ve decided. Decided to live “the life” wherever I am.
Today as I was driving back from church I admitted to God that I have no idea what is happening. I’m currently waiting to hear from an out-of-state ministry to see if I can move and begin to plug-in and become part of their mission. This is a dream that’s been on my heart for a year. It has been quite a back and forth journey, but I trust this is where I am supposed to go for the next chapter of my life. I have been waiting to hear back for over a month now. At first it was easy to wait, when I thought the waiting would be swift. Sitting here a month and a half later, after dreaming and desiring for a year, the waiting feels as swift as molasses. Each week the wait became a growing weight on me.
Until I decided I don’t want to live like that.
Recently I’ve started hanging out with new friends, finding new communities, getting connected deeper with people. I CANNOT live and base my decisions and feelings on the fact that I am moving away. I cannot, because if I do, I won’t live at all. I would say no to every invitation, and I would pine for “life to start”. I will not be that girl.
I want to say yes. Yes to random 3-hour long coffee dates, yes to driving to Grand Rapids for coffee and the Bridge St. House of Prayer, yes to volleyball at 11pm, yes to silent films at the Ann Arbor state theater, yes to hopping on a train to Chicago for the day, and yes to 80’s musicals about the Bible. There is so much fun to be had, why say no?
There actually is a reason to say no but it doesn’t really compare: It will hurt more. If I dig deep here, keep making heart to heart connections here, it will hurt so much more to leave. But if the alternative to more pain in leaving is saying no to life, I choose to live THE LIFE wherever I am.