as I mentioned in my last post, I’m actually thankful to be single right now.
my brother gets married in 12 days, for the last month-and-a-half since I’ve been visiting with them in Florida I’ve gotten to hang out and get to know my future sister, Crystal. I really like her, for the record. it’s completely clear when you watch the two of them how happy she makes my brother and I love that. beyond a love for singing and dancing we have very little in common, it’s very refreshing to hang out with someone so different from you.
Ben and Crystal’s wedding will be the third time I’m a bridesmaid in a wedding, and Crystal is 6 months younger than me, so for months I have been making jokes about “always a bridesmaid never a bride”, and asking if my brother marrying a girl younger than me counts the same as having a younger sister getting married before me. the other day Crystal and I were out and about and I started rambling to her about how my whole life I always assumed I’d be married really young.
for some reason I just pictured meeting my man around 17 or 18 years old and promptly getting hitched. two years ago I also was certain I wanted to be a nurse and marry a youth pastor and stay in a youth ministry forever.
things most certainly change, and I couldn’t be happier.
now. let’s talk about being single.
when you’re moved out of your folks’ home and living life single, you’re alone. I don’t care what people say, you are. not in a depressing, hopeless way. I have an abundance of people in my life that I consider family, I’m so blessed I can literally just think of how blessed I am and start crying. but this life I live is mine alone until the day I have a husband and we live our life.
confession: sometimes I get lonely, and despite what the Bible-thumpers say, loneliness ain’t a sin.
I see life as an adventure. and right now in my life, my decisions are mine and mine alone. and that, is why I’m thankful that I’m single. every now and then when I see fun couples who get to live life together and have adventures and I feel a little ache in my chest, but stronger than an ache I feel a desire to wait for the real thing. to live my life not as a sad, bitter, single woman the way so many do. and more than that, not to just up and start relationships that won’t last. but to live my life with hope and vision, not waiting.