for the last, almost, four years home has been a specific topic on my heart. probably because for the last four years I have only been in temporary homes. the longest I stayed in one place was 2 years at Wildwood Ranch while I interned there. and in a less than three months I’ll be moving for my 7th time since the age of 17.
I’m soon about to be an intern for another year of my life at the Los Angeles Dream Center.
it’s funny, about five months ago I was sitting at a coffee shop with my friend Craig, who also interned at Wildwood just a couple of years before my time there, filling out the application for the Dream Center’s internship. I came across a question on their application that made me laugh out loud like someone having a nervous breakdown. I read the question out loud to Craig, “Most interns often have feelings of loneliness and frustration during their time in the internship, how will you handle these feelings?” Craig laughed too. I said to him, “I can’t believe I’m about to do this to myself again.”
when I was an intern at Wildwood, aside from so so so many other responsibilities we were to be up at a certain time each morning and had to clean our intern houses three times each week and they would be checked. I vividly remember the way that intern house never felt like home. it’s like living where you’re house-sitting, nothing is yours, it’s not your home.
don’t get me wrong, my two years at Wildwood were the best years of my life to date. however, they were also the two most uncomfortable years of my life.
yesterday I spent the morning and afternoon painting my brother and sister-in-law-to-be’s bathroom for the house they’ll be living in when they’re married. I found myself laughing to myself as I painted.
comfort. home. marriage. I genuinely have no idea when I’ll have those things. and I think I’ve stopped caring when. I think I’m letting go. I’m embracing my life for what it is, even if people don’t understand. because I do understand.
“anyone who discovers who God made them to be would never want to be anyone else.” – Bill Johnson