so… I suck at sleeping. I have for as long as I can remember. I’ve seen more doctors than I can count on my fingers. I’ve done inner healing, sleep meds, herbal remedies. nothing works long term. I’ve been given many theories an I have a couple myself, but please know this: I do not care that I can’t sleep well so please don’t try to “help”. I care even less after my morning with the Lord today…
this morning I was at prayer at Angelus Temple (church). I had barely slept all night and at 5:14 this morning I gave up and just started my day.
so I’m at prayer and I was really focused in my praying when all the sudden I felt my head swimming with sleepiness. that swirly feeling that feels like you might just fall over and sleep wherever you are at the time. smart thing to do may have been to open my eyes, but I had promised God I wouldn’t open my eyes during prayer for a certain reason so I kept them closed.
suddenly I could picture Jesus chuckling, like I know He did. as I sat there with my eyes closed, communing through my exhaustion, Jesus said to me, “this is when we are closest.”
I thought for a moment, and I could recall dozens of times in my faith when in the middle of the night, or when I’d been awake 30+ hours, or when I’ve not slept well for days there were so many moments where God met me and I was changed forever. in my absolute weakest times. I chuckled too.
I loved that. maybe that’s why I suck at sleeping. so that He can have those moments with me. I’d be okay with that.