The main character.

You guys, I have cried more in the last week than I have in a long time.

I’ve gotten a lot of encouragement recently about what an inspiration I am. Which makes me wonder. I personally am most inspired by honest, raw, humanity. When people are just people. And I tend to think my writing never quite reaches that. Maybe it does, maybe I’m just being hard on myself. But I wanted to have a moment of raw humanity with you all.

I just moved into the upstairs part of a duplex in Los Angeles that I live in with three other girls that I really don’t know. I feel completely alone in a city of 20 million. I don’t yet have a job. When I think about paying rent I start to breathe pretty rapidly. I bought a car with all my cash yesterday morning and it’s now sitting in my parking spot, unregistered, unlicensed, uninsured because I bought the car with all my money. I’ve hardly eaten in a couple days because again, I just bought a car with my money. (Calm down, mom, I have tuna and nutella.)

I can’t speak to my family on the phone without crying because I miss them so much. I miss them so much I can’t type that sentence without tears coming to my eyes.

I’ve genuinely never felt so alone or frightened in my life. And please don’t come at me with “God is with you.” yep, He sure is. And it’s the only reason I’m still functioning. But honestly, you try being in my situation and lets see how you do. Sorry, tiny rant over…

But this evening I had a moment. A reminder if you will.

I read a lot of books, I watch a lot of movies, I love stories. And I have always known I am the main character of a story, this story, my story. Sometimes I’ll catch my reflection in a mirror or a window and I’ll see what everyone sees when they look at me and I get this weird assurance that I can do whatever I set out to do. I’m the main character in my story. And the main character’s story is always worth telling.

As I sit in my empty room with suitcases still unpacked, on my makeshift bed that is a small stack of blankets because I don’t have a bed, I think to myself that this is a chapter in the story.

I think sometimes we look at moments in our lives and think “this is the moment before the moment”. No, it’s the moment. It’s all the moment. You can’t start and stop your life story, it’s continuous.

So embrace it, and make it worth sharing.

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7 thoughts on “The main character.”

  1. Hi Leslie, you are so special in every way. God has a reason for everything and I know you already know that. But I just wanted to say that I’ve come from a very simple poor background and even though we don’t have much now (living paycheck to paycheck) it certainly makes me appreciate what I have so much. My family is also far away. I feel like I can relate to what your going through. God bless you for your sweet living and giving heart. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

  2. All I want to do after reading this is to tell you how much I love you. You truly are an inspiration, Leslie. You always have been. I cannot wait to be graced by your presence! (Speaking of which, I have been looking at tickets. I’m waiting to see if the prices go down before I purchase. I’m looking at the end of March/beginning of April.) Again, I love you.

  3. hey lady. you told me a while back that you like how honest my blogging was getting. and I haven’t written anything too great since (ha), but I just wanted to tell you thank you and that I admire your writing as well. inspires me I guess. so keep going. (:
    text me anytime.. sorry about your new friend. (; and I’m praying for you and your story. I completely get the “wanting to be where you are but missing those far away and feeling alone” thing (maybe not in the same way, but similar). like how I just made that a thing? okay, hope you’re having a great day.

  4. Hey Leslie, I always get excited when I get a notification of a new ‘by hands or feet’ blog entry. :) I really connect with you through your stories, and I haven’t even met you. I would like to help, if you’d let me. My email is coopkid34@gmail.com – please write with a simple “hi” and i’ll explain what I mean. As far as your #moment-in-time…I learned recently that through my experiences as of late, that no moment in life is as sweet as this moment, the one right now…..and the one right now…..now…now. Remember to always savor the taste of life no matter what moments you’re in. A simple smile can create a chain reaction. So = :)

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