Heading into your teen years everyone tells you it’s a dramatic, confusing time. But nobody warned me about the early twenties. Oh, the early twenties. Post-college, dreaming of having a career, moving around, everybody else is getting married and having babies while you’re just trying to survive.
This past year for me has been, to put it mildly, hell. With a lot of heaven sprinkled in.
Life has not gone how I expected it to. You can say (at risk of getting slapped) that I’m young and things will turn out. But I think with life we are all better off expecting the unexpected. For a couple months now I have been trying to process this past year of my life. Processing it made me go through a lot of phases. Feeling guilty and feeling like I failed were two dominate emotions through this time of process. Questioning the decisions I made, as if questioning past decisions would help my future. Failure. I focused on the ripple effect my decisions had on others lives. More guilt.
One day I was emailing a friend and telling her how I’d been feeling. I suddenly said to her, “The truth is, I don’t owe anyone anything.” The realization has sunk in more and more since typing those words the first time.
I had been living like I was indebted to things and to people. As if I owed them something and it felt like an endless debt. When really, the only one I owe my life to is God. He doesn’t make me feel guilty, He doesn’t make me feel like I failed. Being indebted to people will always make us feel like we are not good enough.
So with the weight off my back, new wisdom sunk deep in my heart, and the world wide open, what is next for my life?
I wish I knew. But I’m in my early twenties, and it’s terrifying.
I’ll let you know once I know, friends. (: