He’s just not that into you.

Some girls I know are challenging themselves this year to try to find love. They’ve decided to go out on at least one date every month for 2014 looking for a love connection, something real to spark from a date.

This challenge was extended to me and for a few days I really considered it.

And then I decided not to.

I reference this often, but there’s this line from the show How I Met Your Mother where the lead character (a single guy, looking for the one) looks at his best friends (who are a solid couple that have been together for years) and he says, “Look at that, that’s how it’s supposed to be. Easy, simple. On some level, it has to just be easy.”

With Valentines Day soon approaching we’re all thinking about relationships. I have reached a point in my journey as a single woman (God that sounds cheesy, my apologies.) where I’ve realized that all the dating advice from youth group and church, and all those fabulous Christian dating books kind of massively screws you over in adulthood. They prepare you to meet “the one” at youth group, church, or the Christian university everyone attends.

What if you make it past those intersections without running into this supposed “one”?

Well, I will tell you this. If you make it past all those check points and you’re still single be aware the world of dating is much more like He’s Just Not That Into You than it is like the book Dateable. (Do you guys remember the book Datable?! Kill me now, please.)

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If he’s into you, he’s into you. Fortunately or unfortunately, that is honestly as simple and as complicated as it gets.

But for us girls I think there has to be a balance… A line between sitting still and waiting to be noticed by some prince charming character, and saying yes to every chump that Facebook messages you “We should hang out”.

Have standards, know your worth. Know what you want in a guy. Don’t hold still in life waiting for someone, go meet people face to face and see how you feel about them. Don’t decide not to even try, you are worth someone’s time and affections, but they will never know it if you stay in watching old Meg Ryan movies every weekend.

Jumping back to the How I Met Your Mother quote, that idea has kind of become a standard for me. I have couples around me that I look at and see how effortlessly they work together. I’m not saying they don’t work at their relationship Ben and Jen taught us all that marriage is work, but there are those that just fit each other perfectly. That is what I’m looking for. I’m not trying to find a Taylor Swift song in everyday life, I just want someone where spending everyday with them feels as normal as breathing.

Know what you want, ladies. And don’t become hopeless ever.

And just as a general tip, don’t go out with guys who ask you out via Facebook.

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