Living in the moment: the struggle is real.

My friend texted me a link to a video of these parents telling their 13-year-old foster child they want to adopt her. The young girl immediately burst into sobs. Having a forever family is something she (and most kids in her situation) figure they will never have.

Obviously I was weeping while watching this video because I’m me and adoption is everything to me. But I get done watching the video, and I look up, catching a view of myself in my giant closet mirror. It strikes me. For what feels like the millionth time, why is my life so unaccommodating to this huge desire of my heart?

I live in an apartment on the outskirts of downtown Los Angeles with three roommates and we occupy every room as a bedroom so we don’t even have an actual living room. I’m single. The majority of my time is spent of my job (which I love) and my church (which I love) so there ends up being little time for anything else.

And yet if you ask me do I want to be a mother one day my answer is something along the lines of, I don’t understand why I am not already a mom.

And yet, again, my life is in no way ready for what my heart, arms, and soul have been longing for for so long.

Makes me wonder if there will be a tipping point. That moment when I choose to step out of other responsibilities to take on a foster kid. Will life open up for it suddenly or do I have to alter my life to make it happen? Do I wait until I’m married or is this something that I need to do on my own?

I don’t know when this will happen for me, but I look forward to it every day.

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