Feel the feelings.

Life has changed drastically and rapidly for me. In the last few months, in the last six month, in the last year.
A year ago I still hadn’t met the guy I’m marrying in a couple months. Six months ago I was very seriously contemplating a move to England. A few months ago I was still working for The Giving Keys.

My new schedule is the overnight shift, which has forced me to become nocturnal. The unfortunate effect of nocturnal living is that my weekend days are spent in my apartment in the dark, generally watching Netflix to pass the time away while you are all sleeping.

But the other night my heart was very heavy. I felt a feeling of mourning that I couldn’t quite place until the next day when I was telling my roommate how I’d been feeling. I realized so much change had happened so quickly that I hadn’t let myself feel everything I might have felt if it had all happened a little slower.

The high of getting engaged and then straight into wedding planning and weeks later, leaving a job that had been a second home and second family to me, and the finality of marriage all seemed to coop up in my head and heart without me noticing the gathering weight of unsorted emotions.

I love being engaged. I can’t wait to be married for the rest of my life, but man I’m gonna miss living with my girls and having our week night plans revolve around catching up on Bachelor in Paradise together.

My new job is hard but what I’ve wanted to do for awhile and when the time was right it was right. But man I miss The Giving Keys and all it taught me and all the beautiful faces I got to see every day. I was so damn lucky to come in at the start and ride some of the company’s first highs with that team.

I know that this marriage isn’t going to hold me back from any dream I’ve had that we now share. Being single was fun and learning what I want for my life was important, but I’m ready to share my life with this one for as long as I have left.

It is necessary to let emotions be felt in times of change.

Bottling them up never works long term.

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